Babes… Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: The First Ever ‘Butt Mode’ Wastes So Much Sextastic Potential

July 5th, 2014

Whacked Butt Mode

See that? That’s a great ass, right there. If we had our darn way, any video game with a ‘Butt Mode’ would involve this caliber of asstastic, and a whole lot of VR fondling.

Alas, though, your Ego-buddies aren’t games design wizards, and everybody we know who is has stopped taking our increasingly lewd suggestions. So this first small step for buttkind is an absolute zero on the Hornometer. Still, there’s a lot of juvenile toilet humor, and we all know that’s the best kind.

Yup, Kotaku reported this week that the pretty-darn-awesome Shovel Knight has a Butt Mode. Coming from a 2D Mega Man/Castlevania-alike, you wouldn’t expect too much naughtiness… which is good, because you won’t be disappointed. Its sole function is to change every proper noun in the game’s dialogue to the word butt.

Why this is a thing that’s happened, we can’t imagine, but there it is. Still, it allows for seconds of fun with such lines as When Butt Butt awoke, the tower was sealed, and Shield Butt was gone. Fans of Beavis and Butthead should hit the clip after the jump, to see how this cheat is unlocked and witness the Shovel Knight intro in Butt Mode.

Via Kotaku.


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Babes… Playboy.TV Free Week for the 4th of July!

July 4th, 2014


Oh, yeah, I’m hot pimping on our nation’s anniversary. I think America would be proud of me promoting its finest nekkid ladies bouncing about and giggling and/or making out on Playboy.TV, which is now free for one week in honor of the good ole U.S. of A.’s birthday. There’s hardly a brand more iconically American than Playboy. We might be a Puritanical people, but we did hatch the world’s most popular nudie girls magazine in the world. There’s something to be said for that.

PLAYBOY TV IS FREE FOR ONE WEEK OF SELF-DISCOVERY AND PERSONAL GROWTH!

Now, in response to your questions. Yes, Playboy.TV subscriptions help keep my lights on. But trust me when I say I only pimp the products I believe in and at a very good price. I get offers from literally hundreds of affiliates looking to push their product on these pages. I give them the Heisman. You don’t need Canadian pills or funny t-shirts or power bracelets, you do need wicked hot girls taking off their clothes in premium content. Or you want it. For those that do, I can’t encourage you enough to sign up for Playboy.TV. It’s quite fun. I’m not just the not-President, I’m also a member. Enjoy.


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Babes… ‘GTA Online’ Does 4th of July Fireworks Right: Big Ol’ Freaking Airstrikes For All!

July 4th, 2014

GTA Online The Independence Day Special

If there’s one thing Grand Theft Auto Online loves to do, it’s get seasonal. (If there’s another thing, it’s refuse to give us our freaking heists like the hairy bastards they are, but let’s not get into that right now.) If you ventured onto the streets of Los Santos around Christmas, you’d have seen more damn snow than any Tinseltown replica should experience.

But what of today? Surely Rockstar won’t let the 4th of July –the drunkiest, firework-iest, independence-iest day of the year– go by?

Worry not, gentlemen. While old Queen Lizzie bitches about the fact that she doesn’t own half the damn world any more, here’s what Grand Theft Auto has in store. Today through Sunday, the Independence Day Event Weekend sets in. It offers extra cashtacular and experience, a contest or two, big angry monster trucks for free, and a huge discount on airstrikes. Just as our noble forefathers intended.

For more on this, and the chance to win an amusingly patriotic vanity plate (“AMERICA”), hit Gamespot.


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Babes… Happy Birthday, America (Here’s Some Hot Celebrities in Bikinis Sucking Popsicles)

July 4th, 2014

Kate Upton in Red, White and Blue Bikinis and Popsicles Fun Amber Rose in Red, White and Blue Bikinis and Popsicles Fun Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson in Red, White and Blue Bikinis and Popsicles Fun Kendall Jenner in Red, White and Blue Bikinis and Popsicles Fun Michelle Hunziker in Red, White and Blue Bikinis and Popsicles Fun Kelly Brook in Red, White and Blue Bikinis and Popsicles Fun Bethenny Frankel in Red, White and Blue Bikinis and Popsicles Fun

For all her cracks and creaking floorboards, there’s no place like home. Happy 238th birthday, America. You may be too prude for boobs in magazines and on television, but like my conservative Aunt Ella, you still manage to surprise me each Christmas with a different color pair of winter socks.

To celebrate the birth of the nation, we’ve put together a few red white and blue bikini and popsicle sucking photos of some of the hottest celebrities celebrating the 4th and summer in the most exposing and tongue-licking way possible. Yes, it’s a crude birthday present, America, but don’t worry, my Aunt Ella got you some socks to keep your feet warm. Happy Birthday.


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Babes… Courtney Stodden’s Funbags and Other Fine Things to Ogle

July 4th, 2014


Courtney Stodden unrobes to reveal her engorged ta-tas (Celebuzz)

A Pussycat Doll shows us her funbags (Drunken Stepfather)

Audrina Patridge backs up her tight booty (Hollywood Tuna)

Gabriela Rabelo‘s drool-worthy lingerie spread (Popoholic)

These bikini babes have us ready to celebrate the weekend (The Chive)

Elicia Perkins has one bangin’ behind (Busted Coverage)

Kate Upton gives us more steamy topless shots (HuffPo)


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Babes… Theresa Ortiz Bikini Pool Time Madness in the Big Easy

July 3rd, 2014

Theresa Ortiz Bikinis Poolside in New Orleans Theresa Ortiz Bikinis Poolside in New Orleans Theresa Ortiz Bikinis Poolside in New Orleans Theresa Ortiz Bikinis Poolside in New Orleans Theresa Ortiz Bikinis Poolside in New Orleans Theresa Ortiz Bikinis Poolside in New Orleans Theresa Ortiz Bikinis Poolside in New Orleans

Consider Theresa Ortiz another reality show hottie that I really need to get to know. I hope she feels the same way about getting to know pale bloggers. She’s one of the cast of Love and Hip Hop and the only one not currently under arrest I believe. Though she could be arrested for exciting the male population to a point of frenzy I suppose. Oh, yes, arrested on crimes of passion.

Theresa and some friends were bikini dipping into the pool in New Orleans when the sextastic meter started beeping, indicating some must capture candid moments. Wow, her sultry Puerto Rican goodies in that bikini. I just wanted to show her my tax return faked with an extra zero added to the income line to look semi-impressive then ask her out for beignets. I think that’s French for doing the naughty. I hope so. Theresa, you are one fine looking Latina lady. Let’s be friends. Enjoy.



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Babes… Zuzanna Chyba Topless Slender Hot Naughty in Volo Magazine

July 3rd, 2014

Zuzanna Chyba Topless Photoshoot in Volo Magazine June 2014 Zuzanna Chyba Topless Photoshoot in Volo Magazine June 2014 Zuzanna Chyba Topless Photoshoot in Volo Magazine June 2014 Zuzanna Chyba Topless Photoshoot in Volo Magazine June 2014 Zuzanna Chyba Topless Photoshoot in Volo Magazine June 2014 Zuzanna Chyba Topless Photoshoot in Volo Magazine June 2014 Zuzanna Chyba Topless Photoshoot in Volo Magazine June 2014

Oh, Zuzanna, don’t you cry for me. Please, allow me to cry for you.

I think you know of my lust for Polish model nekkid goodness. Now, the good folks at Volo magazine, only my new most favorite sextastic girl magazine, have completed a pictorial with Zuzanna Chyba for one stellar bit of fine female form wonderment. Just looking at Zuzanna makes me want to invent a potato dish I can bring to her mother to make her see what a thoughtful man I am. I’m like that, cunning.

Zuzanna, I can only hope we get to see you in more, more, and more photo work soon. You’re enchanting. I say that as a man of great poetry. Enjoy.

Photo credit: Volo Magazine


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Babes… AnnaLynne McCord Is Super Sexy In Black

July 3rd, 2014

AnnaLynne McCord Sexy in Black BenchWarmer's Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration AnnaLynne McCord Sexy in Black BenchWarmer's Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration AnnaLynne McCord Sexy in Black BenchWarmer's Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration AnnaLynne McCord Sexy in Black BenchWarmer's Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration AnnaLynne McCord Sexy in Black BenchWarmer's Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration AnnaLynne McCord Sexy in Black BenchWarmer's Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration AnnaLynne McCord Sexy in Black BenchWarmer's Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration

Actress and model AnnaLynne McCord was looking sexy an F in a mesh top black dress at BenchWarmer’s Annual Stars and Stripes Celebration. AnnaLynne has a pretty extraordinary rack and it would be a shame to hide her cleavage and sideboob under opaque fabric. Lucky for us she chose a dress that has a mesh material allowing us a bird’s eye view of her ta-tas. I remember seeing AnnLynne in Nip/Tuck back in the day and enjoying looking at her boobies then. Time has only increased my desire to keep on staring at them. Some things never change, as the cliche says. This is especially true when it comes to a spectacular pair of chi chis. Ladies should take a cue off of AnnaLynne and always ensure that they are showing a proper ratio of cleavage to sideboob.

AnnaLynne is also just an incredibly sexy woman. Look at all of those pouty sex faces she is making in these pictures. They make me feel things in my swimsuit area.

 


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Babes… Hofit Golan Bikini Pictures Bring the Israeli Curves to Barbados

July 3rd, 2014

Hofit Golan Bikinis on a Beach in Barbados Hofit Golan Bikinis on a Beach in Barbados Hofit Golan Bikinis on a Beach in Barbados Hofit Golan Bikinis on a Beach in Barbados Hofit Golan Bikinis on a Beach in Barbados Hofit Golan Bikinis on a Beach in Barbados Hofit Golan Bikinis on a Beach in Barbados

Hofit Golan is a regular of the European film festival and fancy party set and a hostess on Fashion.TV, which I’m guessing you don’t check out all that often. She’s also a shameless self-promoter, which I respect, seeing as I am one myself, though I look slightly less compelling in a sheer bikini on the beaches of Barbados. Slightly less.

The Israeli spokesmodel was either working or playing or playing at work down in the Caribbean and trying to attract attention by way of body show on the beach. It works for me. Whenever a woman with nice curves yells ‘look at me now’. I always look. Sometimes I don’t stop looking for uncomfortably long periods of time. And when they tell me, ‘Why don’t you take a picture, it will last longer’, I take out my camera and follow their advice. I’m like a puppy. You can’t hit me without feeling guilty. Remember that, Hofit, especially if you’ve had Israeli military training. Enjoy.



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Babes… Maja Krag Topless in Black and White for a Tasty Slice of Danish

July 2nd, 2014

Maja Krag Topless Black and White Goodies in Tush Magazine June 2014 Maja Krag Topless Black and White Goodies in Tush Magazine June 2014 Maja Krag Topless Black and White Goodies in Tush Magazine June 2014 Maja Krag Topless Black and White Goodies in Tush Magazine June 2014 Maja Krag Topless Black and White Goodies in Tush Magazine June 2014 Maja Krag Topless Black and White Goodies in Tush Magazine June 2014 Maja Krag Topless Black and White Goodies in Tush Magazine June 2014

How can I not be a fan of any periodical called Tush Magazine? Especially when they feature the likes of nineteen year old Danish rising model Maja Krag, which translate in English too, I am so damn hot you may not stare at my bare funbags. Not precisely, but as with any translation, there are idioms to consider.

Maja and her faptastic chest puppies are upscale, dressed up, and shown off in this superbly sublime photo shoot. I’m not always a fan of black and white photography, though it does allow us to feel like art appreciators instead of leering peeking gentlemen. Though I’m perfectly comfortable in either instance. Maja, you have the body of a goddess sent to earth to help populate the planet in times of low sperm counts. I can only imagine the impact you’ll have in that regard over the next decade. I can’t hardly wait. Enjoy.


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Babes… Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddle Boarding in the Hamptons

July 2nd, 2014

Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddleboarding in the Hamptons Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddleboarding in the Hamptons Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddleboarding in the Hamptons Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddleboarding in the Hamptons Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddleboarding in the Hamptons Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddleboarding in the Hamptons Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddleboarding in the Hamptons

Kendall Jenner is spending the summer in the Hamptons with her family being filmed, like we all did when we reached the age of high school graduation though not necessarily graduating. I’d complain in some shape or manner, but I’d rather watch Kendall Jenner in her bikini floating on a paddle board along with her teen friend Hailey Baldwin, the non-lesbionic Baldwin model offspring. I’d feel bad about peeping on this innocent sunbathing session were it not for the fact that a team of E! cameramen were nearby staging the entire event. Plus, I’m sort of incapable of shame.

It’s hard to look at grown up Kendall and not harken back so many years ago when she was just an innocent starting out on Keeping Up With the Kardashians by laying in her swimsuit on a paddle board. Now, here she is, an adult, laying in her swimsuit on a paddle board. She’s come a long way. And so have we, to the point now I can even mention how she got the model hot body in her family. She is the one. Not like in the Matrix, just in my corrupt an already corrupted Jenner dreams. Enjoy.


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Babes… DJ Colleen Shannon Shows Off Her Turntables In Bikini Shoot

July 2nd, 2014

DJ Colleen Shannon Does a Bikini Photoshoot In Malibu DJ Colleen Shannon Does a Bikini Photoshoot In Malibu DJ Colleen Shannon Does a Bikini Photoshoot In Malibu DJ Colleen Shannon Does a Bikini Photoshoot In Malibu DJ Colleen Shannon Does a Bikini Photoshoot In Malibu DJ Colleen Shannon Does a Bikini Photoshoot In Malibu DJ Colleen Shannon Does a Bikini Photoshoot In Malibu

“The world’s sexiest DJ” and former Playboy Playmate DJ Colleen Shannon showed off her subwoofers in a bikini photoshoot for 138 Water in Malibu. The bombshell techno lover wore a tiny blue bikini that allowed us a good view of her spectacular funbags. They are some seriously intense ta-tas, my friends. I don’t know how she’s able to see the turntables when she looks down through those massive chest puppies. The bikini bottom is also really small allowing us a view of her incredible booty. It’s tanned, toned, and perky. Can a booty be perky? Well, her’s is.

I must admit I am unfamiliar with her work as I am not really a fan of techno music. But I’d be willing to put up with any number of pulsing songs that sound exactly the same if I got to see her in the DJ booth instead of some hairy hipster from Williamsburg or Silverlake.


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